How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? 3 of 10. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest The other 20. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Golfing? Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Fore-get Me Nots. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. putt." As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Bruce Lansky. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? 1. no! PG Wodehouse. 8. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf He was puttering around. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. They expect to succeed! Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Happy Gilmore. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? So what are you waiting for? Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; I'll let you beat me. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Oh my God, what have I just said?". "I'm the best. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot I`m really worried about myself. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? How do you know you should be a golfer? Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. course sometime. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. when we were married," said the pouting wife. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. And that thought is: Dont think. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Whos there? Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Knock, knock Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Wanna be my caddy? Spread your legs a little more. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Andy who? Your email address will not be published. Here, have a carrot! Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Do you know why the game is called golf? In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. clubs. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. - Bobby Jones He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. 4. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. 2. The smile looks really good on you. What are a golfers favorite flowers? How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Wodehouse Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Find the ball. All of them. - Mickey Mantle. Your fifth putt. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Lee Trevino, 59. 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We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Whos there? If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Required fields are marked *. P.G. You shot an eight. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? the flag cant jump. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. They have been there where we are standing now. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Any birdie will do.