Matilda Wormwood is an exception . I am GUILTYwhen the Headmistress says I am GUILTY.". Oh, yeah. But unless you want to suffer, listen up This living 'ell. That's why here I have compiled the sexiest and smart pick up lines to use on guys to make them interested in you! Goofs One look at my face and it's plain to see. Good morning, children! I did not! I mean, what else? MISS TRUNCHBULL finishes writing the word "GUILTY" on the board. My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. MISS HONEY Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! MISS TRUNCHBULL turns off the screens with a remote and wheels around, holding a magnifying glass. Looks are more important than books. You make money? It's the female minor. in . RUDOLPHO Not dressed in hospital cotton, BIG KIDS enter menacingly behind the gate. No! [after listing prices of cars bought and sold]. . I am off to bleach my roots . Yourself, Matilda? And that's not right. Narrator: . MR WORMWOOD Matilda: Platinum blonde hair dye. Agatha Trunchbull: This is the cottage from your story. Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced! Nine times two is eighteen. And remember to be eXtremely careful. . The less you have to say, the louder you yell it. Well, then stop her reading! Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night, and I think Agatha Trunchbull: Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! MAN: We'll have to change his school. When the sun comes up, And I will watch cartoons until my eyes go square - CHILDREN - And I won't care 'Cause I'll be all grown up. A single slice, Oops! MRS WORMWOOD COUPLE 2 They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible. The condition is characterised by the sufferer experiencing bouts of chronic fatigue, and falling suddenly asleep, often without knowing, or any warning at all. When you turn the corner, when you go to your cubbies to get your smelly coats, when you skip merrily to lunch, I'll be watching you, all of you, and especially you. MISS HONEY Before I first heard the pealing of the bell. He should have thought of that before he made a pact with Satan and decided to steal my cake! I love your stories, Matilda! Now, this is much harder, so don't worry if you don't get it. LOUD! MISS TRUNCHBULL Of course you didn't do it, you little twit! Jenny: Mum says I'm a good case for population control. She re-enters carrying two square blocks, one larger than the other. Harry Wormwood: You shall be . I got carried away. Matilda: [She flicks on the light of the vanity in her parent's bathroom, which has risen from the stage. But this little girl . I didn't, I was on the garage roof. . If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate. Harry Wormwood: He surely can't! . Just you wait for phys-ed. There's not a lot of difference in size. Harry Wormwood: Knock on the door, Jenny. MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER [off-stage] To stand up and be proud! Now go watch TV like a good kid. MISS HONEY I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school IS NOT enough. We can have our cake and it it too! And sailed high up, up above the stands google_color_text="5F6A72"; [Miss Honey briefly nods yes as she leaves to rescue Matilda from the Chokey]. Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, Do you need a sin for your next confession? I should be dancing the Tarentella If you are having fun, you are not learning. front bottom. MISS HONEY [She underlines the sentence on the board.]. MRS WORMWOOD . Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! [She re-enters her bedroom and jumps onto the bed.] Oil of Violets hair tonic. The police decided he killed himself. MATILDA Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. I've been trapped inside this (K) cage for ages, PERSPERATION! From offstage, MISS TRUNCHBULL blows on her whistle. I'm telling you, I didn't do it! For this newt you pin-worm! . MR WORMWOOD Now, do any of you know any of your two times tables? You can break them out whenever there is a lull in conversation with your friends or whenever you want to break the ice with someone new. . 9. His fingie. . Mr. Wormwood: Agatha Trunchbull: Nothing will change. If you don't, I will get you. Oh, did I not mention? No excuse, Bruce. 4. And I will Teach you a thing or two. Are you smoking a cigarette? Is there still time for the Bi-Annual Inter-Championship Amateur Sausage . I can feel it in my hips. I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town. Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky! You'll be punished so seVerely if you step out of line. Trunchbull: FBI Agent Bob: [They start chattering. Great, big, question-asking . . No, not there! What've you done with his fingie? She's reading a book. Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. An idiot? CHILDREN I think he blinked. . This little girl needs somebody strong to fight by her side. Where he's been for the last hour, actually. 3. It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. The DOCTOR and the CHILDREN sing into their stethoscopes. 19. The scene unfreezes. Mrs Phelps? So, what is it? That love and fate and a touch of stupidity Is a miracle! Who would be here to sign for the packages? [She murmurs along to the music.] I stole the cake. And Jenny's outside. My father's portrait used to hang there. What? Hanging down by your ears. COUPLES "It is called," said the husband, announcing the event to the world's press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath [The voice of the ESCAPOLOGIST echoes her words.] said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. [to Nigel] When did this happen? Of course I am. Million $ Sticky Host: Aaaargh! And I've told her all about you and your smarty-pants ideas. Shut up! Well, I'd better hang around just in case. DOCTOR . [tosses the cereal in the air] They dance to the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO overtake them with more complicated choreography. Don't hide it under a bushel. Ah-ah-aah-ah. MRS WORMWOOD and MICHAEL down sit in armchairs. MR WORMWOOD How dare they speak to me like that! NIGEL, TOMMY Because basically a sentence is just a big bunch of words. The initial impression you make is memorable, so make it count. Matilda Wormwood! Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical. [pointing her riding crop at Amanda] . We can have our cake and eat it , Ah-ah-aah-ah All grown-ups get scared, just like children. . [She throws the baton across the stage, does a jet to catch it, and points her finger at MISS HONEY.] CHILDREN MATILDA sits to the side, reading a book. We're rehearsing. You and I must be Weedles. When I grow up, (When I grow up, when I grow up) I will be strong enough to carry all The heavy things you have to haul Around with you When you're a grown up And when I grow up, MRS PHELPS screams and exits. Agatha Trunchbull: . [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] We have everything . MRS WORMWOOD Mrs. Wormwood: Matilda: [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] But I've got a baby! Matilda: He got a C on his report! I didn't do anything! Good-bye, Miss Honey. Let's leave maths for the time being . . NIGEL I wonder why they didn't just change their story. See! so I pick it up and - No! Bambinatum! It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS hang their heads. But I shan't enjoy it, because of the despicable way in which you have spoken to me tonight. 1. I have my ion you. MISS TRUNCHBULL Michael: Standing outside the principal's office like a little girl. [She exits down the steps and stops behind the first portion of the audience.] This morning, you sneaked like a serpent into the kitchen and stole a slice of my private chocolate cake from my tea tray. MISS HONEY MRS PHELPS Adopt me, Miss Honey! Michael: Oh, parle Italiano? Don't be disgusting! ACT 1. You wouldn't listen. Oh, cook . Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen. You show the little brat! Prettier barrelina! Matilda turns around and carrot is facing her. Eat. I'm not in favor of girls getting all clever-pants, Miss Hussy. MRS PHELPS exits as a siren wails and the scene changes to Crunchem Hall Academy. The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. Loud, loud, loud, loud! My daddy says I'm his special little guy! Two, three, four! Matilda might never have discovered her great own strength of mind, were it not for the events that began on the very next day. [chanting with the rest of the class] MATILDA DOCTOR An audience cheers. MISS HONEY Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever. Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. Agatha Trunchbull: MAN: I think he blinked. The desks descend into the ground. [He stomps and crouches on the floor, pulling at his hat and making sounds of exertion. And people would come from miles around: kings! We've curated this list of inspiring 'Matilda' quotes from the book and the movie. Matilda? COUPLE 3 Only when they deserved it, of course. ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too. 2. off to prison you both shall go!". [He laughs.] If you sit around and let them get on top, you And the second part is Chokey! You have to stay inside the circle all the time. Hup, two, four, free. Matilda: Crime and Punishment . The hat rack is taken away. . LAVENDER puts the wooden spoon back in his hand. . CHILDREN My mummy says I'm a miracle. The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. Sing, Jenny! Kim . ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. Matilda: BIG KIDS I shall pound you. Oh, yes. PARTY ENTERTAINER RUDOLPHO whips off MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels beneath it. MATILDA She seems not to know that she's special at all. But Matilda can calculate complicated figures in her head in an instant! Trunchbull: Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten. You know what interruptions do to my energy flow. But the "tomato" is a very good word. Please! You don't use sympathy or tenderness. After your first day of school! AAAAAAAHHHH! Harry Wormwood: Jack and Jill went up the hill Just one more bite and you'll've completely cooked her goose. MRS WORMWOOD brushes past MATILDA with a sound of utter disgust. Lovekins, where's my breakfast? MISS HONEY hurries to pull the cap from NIGEL's mouth. Hm? Are you being smart with me? I hope you've enjoyed these lines and had a laugh! abilities. FBI Agent Bob: Completely different cars, sir. <> [She gets on all fours as RUDOLPHO rides her like a horse.] For this newt, you piss-worm! BIG KID [RYAN] Damn girl, I think I need a Parlyz Heal, Because you're stunning. RUDOLPHO Ooh, me, me, me, miss! . And . My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. The biggest burp I had ever heard about! . A little less dressing like your mum. MR WORMWOOD You should stay out of trouble Go on. And . No one's going to listen if you don't shout. The sooner you're locked up in that school, the better. Used to compete in the Olympics, throwing the hammer! You can read words. A little less brains, a lot more hair. Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the Did we sell some cars today, honeydew? 2. They are good runners, sir. But wrong. [She presses an intercom on her desk.] Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea? Are you listening? Stop being pathetic, Jenny. Now, here's a tip: Soundtracks, hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda, after listing prices of cars bought and sold, he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda, Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves, Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby, mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone, everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in, strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward, whacks the desk again with her riding crop, Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house, grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist, suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand, Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. MISS TRUNCHBULL The endings are often a little bit gory! One look at my face and it's plain to see. Stuff it in. MRS WORMWOOD Matilda : I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. MATILDA Well, this isn't my room at all! Forgotten, by everyone except, that is [She pulls her coat over her head.] On a boat, in a car, with your toes all curled - Oh, the places we'll go when I rock your world. The DOCTOR runs behind the table with the others. No way! Harry Wormwood: . Oh, no, no, no, no, no. guy . MISS TRUNCHBULL "thinking". Oh yeah, huh, well, uh Agatha Trunchbull: . Bruce Bogtrotter: What're they going to do, repossess the kid? A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks like this. NIGEL lies down on the ground. YoU listen here, my dear, Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two? The seed of a war in the creak of a floorboard. . She taught us with a poem. [to Michael] I hate pigtails! . Thank you for suggesting it. And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. Get out of it! [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] DOCTOR and CHILDREN Oh, of course. That's exactly what you've done. I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. He always wears suits with loud plaid prints read analysis of Mr. Wormwood. She exits, not before scratching her behind and wiping her nose. Or just a coincidence? . Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake. Well, I shall take your money when you earn it, and I shall spend it. [turns and sees Harry's hair] The subsequent fall was inevitable. Might have been nice, If I let this little girl fall? And remember to be extremely careful. I don't know. Ten times two is twenty. have you read a whole book? [yells] I am trying to pull off the biggest business deal of my life and I have to listen to this. Restores my faith in human kind. Harry Wormwood: You cannot see squat . Another flaming book? Smile for mummy, smile for mother. If you sit around and let them get on top, you MRS WORMWOOD Do we want to do something that rhymes with "truck"? MISS TRUNCHBULL grabs AMANDA by the pigtails and swings her around and around. MR WORMWOOD Crowd! She misses me so much. Russian businessmen: very, very stupid! You're a little cheat, you saw the paper. MATILDA gazes at their dramatic display non-chalantly and holds out a palm to them. Check it if you don't believe me. [whacks the desk again with her riding crop]. We give the Whisper Challenge a shot with a little spin on it. . Don't be pathetic! Even if what you got is not a lot. Chew your food; you're an animal! "Escapologist", he says! Filthy, nasty things. MATILDA, LAVENDER, and NIGEL raise their hands. MR WORMWOOD exits while MATILDA runs into her bedroom, flings the door open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. . No. They're cops, Dad. There is a spotlight on BRUCE as he begins to talk. MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN Maybe I shouldn't tell you any more. [He dances backwards and MRS WORMWOOD follows along.]. We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll. Well, Matilda Wormwood. Where is the maggot known as Nigel? Just knock on the door. Harry Wormwood: and I shan't be talking to you for the rest of the evening, you horrid little man! MR WORMWOOD And if it's not right, I'll tell you something. You will be put away in a place where not even the crows can land their droppings on you! Harry Wormwood: I want you around here now with another car! . ? "Right"? These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone." Roald Dahl, Matilda tags: books , literature , reading , words ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Jenny: Knock on the door, Jenny. But even you, Bruce, Narrator: Alternate Versions MATILDA She's got no respect, that one. Harry Wormwood: And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN! Uh, welcome to Wormwood Motors. Trunchbull: MISS TRUNCHBULL [looking at a portrait of her father] You gotta give yourself permission to shine. Bye, Mrs Phelps! in a week. Trunchbull: Agatha Trunchbull: I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. Tricks!" With your stupid books and your stupid reading. One look at my face and it's plain to see. MRS WORMWOOD [COUPLES One times two is two. ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. Look, I don't have time for all these legalities! A baby, Mrs Wormwood. The cook enters, holding an enormous chocolate cake on a tray, along with a wooden spoon. In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. . When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson! LAVENDER Sign in|Recent Site Activity|Report Abuse|Print Page|Powered By Google Sites. Come on!] . It's the Trunchbull's speciality. 'Twas written in the stars before they even met. . Yes, wonderful. Narrator: You useless, used-car-salesman scum! MISS HONEY Keep out of reach of children. They were written that way: No kid likes being yelled at, but it was precisely Harry's ranting and raving that gave Matilda the key to her power. MISS TRUNCHBULL Matilda: The reason the mileage is so high is a manufacturing mistake.". That didn't happen. MATILDA The alphabet? If you want to throw the hammer for your country. Please, stand, and do as much as you can. A bell rings. [She shoves ERIC out of his seat so MATILDA can stand on his desk.]. Matilda : I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. This calls for a proper smoke. [She turns the screens back on.]. This is Rudolpho! I'm incredible! I love my school it isn't fair! Agatha Trunchbull: That lady? In my school? MATILDA MAN: Don't put honey on your brother. MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN This means that pick-up lines are all about first impressions. Where are you going? Amanda Thripp: [:g-] BIG KID [TAYLOR] [into recorder] Agatha Trunchbull: As a huge cloud of chocolate-y gas wafted from my mouth and drifted across the class. Hide me! FBI Agent Bill: Here in the library again, are we? Leave it alone, Jenny. The stage goes black. How could she possibly have done it when she was sitting way over here? in my opinion, this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven-year-olds! An extraordinary girl with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination takes a daring stand to change her story with miraculous results. Corny, sweet, and funny all in one. They performed some of the most incredible feats together anyone has ever seen. No, sir. CHILDREN MATILDA Starring: Alisha Weir, Emma Thompson, Lashana Lynch. Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. So he invited the mother's stepsister to come and live with him. Now EAT IT! Where'd all this come from? Oh, my head! That's the main thing. Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y! Harry Wormwood: BIG KIDS and CHILDREN run off. Yes. Jenny: MR WORMWOOD Miss Honey: Mrs. Wormwood: You gotta get up and be loud! Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. Has incredible upper-body strength. Oh, very rich. You what? Harry Wormwood: The Secret Garden . MATILDA holds her a dramatic pose, holding the large book above her head. It was like the entire world had gathered to see The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage. Michael chokes the carrot]. MRS WORMWOOD People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love. Harry Wormwood: A boy with no fingie? MATILDA MISS TRUNCHBULL flails victoriously, then starts blowing her whistle. MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. And when you scream, you don't know if the sound came out, You oughtn't blame yourself now, come along. . ALL GIRLS MISS HONEY Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid? 6. Trunchbull: MISS HONEY Just you wait for phys-ed! [noticing her books] Even time loves us.". How far can you go? We can spell "difficulty". . Just go back to school! MRS WORMWOOD I can't abandon my children.
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